Friday, March 23, 2012

I can't do everything for you, scientists

You know, I'm not an expert on cats. I'm not trying to pretend that I am or mislead anyone. I'm just your average crazy cat lady with my (more than a) half dozen felines. I base my theories on what I see and attempt to form the most logical conclusions and explanations based on these experiences. It's understandable that perhaps, sometimes, my theories might be incorrect. So far they haven't, of course.

However, I would expect that a professional - someone who gets paid to deal with cats on a regular basis - would have better knowledge about the bundles of fur they're handling. You would think that people like scientists and vets would be aware of the extra-terrestrial qualities of of the animals they care for and study, but apparently not.

Consider this article, which attempts, poorly, to answer the question "Why does my cat sleep all day?"

This is the explanation they've concocted:
Biologists pin this feline affinity for sleep on two things: Their typically protein-rich diet, which requires long periods of rest to aid in proper digestion, and their naturally crepuscular (dawn and dusk) predatory pattern, which blather blather blather . . .

If you don't understand/care about the explanation, let me sum it up: Scientists are guessing that cats sleep a lot because they eat lots of cheeseburgers and like to party at various times during the day. I think they've confused cats with college students.

F(r)at cat.

Yeah, that must be it. Who among us doesn't become exhausted after eating a chicken sandwich or running a lap around the house?

Come on, science. I know you're all about animals and biology and I know that you're big on astronomy and space and aliens. Now it's time to put those two concepts together. This is the explanation I've come up with, which seems a far more practical explanation for why cats sleep 25 hours a day. Surely, if a small-town gal like me can come up with something like this, the professionals should be able to come up with something equally solid.

Here, I'll even get you started with a research question: How does that sleeping-cat-energy get absorbed by the mothership? Is there a way we can harness that energy to power other things, maybe like automatic food dispensers?


  1. a post a year?? are you charging the mother ship too?? :)

    1. LOL.

      No, no, when I get the chance to sleep, I sleep like the dead. No mothership-charging naps for me.

      The only reason I get to write these posts at all is because the felines so graciously allow me to take breaks from petting them - and when I come back from school on the weekends, rarely do they allow me to do anything else but snuggle.

    2. YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID. i hope you know this, but cats aren't fucking aliens, you have no idea what you're talking about! how can you be dumb enough to say scientists are stupid when you think cats are fucking aliens? wheres you're proof? because they can sleep for a long time? yeah well guess what i'm 14 and i can sleep for a long ass fucking time too, stop embarrassing yourself, its pathetic. scientists have ruled shit out, they know way more than you, but your so fucking ignorant you can't see that, go fuck your cats and stay away from the internet.

      Sincerely - A 14 year old who isn't a dumb fuck like you. :D

  2. Frankly those talking heads put us to sleep! Ahahaha!

    The Girl at our blog goes to collich in PA too. She's studying Equine Science and just went back from spring break.

  3. Sigh! Most of the things these "scientists" know, we told them. MOL

  4. "Why does my cat sleep all day?"

    That's easy -- because they can.

  5. Cats sleep all day because life is tough with all the theories and philosophical questions college cats are faced with. Plus they're tired from all the ramen noodles.

  6. I see where you could think they are aliens from, but your actually a little off the mark. Cats sleep all day because they are powered by the moon, where do you think the original idea for werewolves comes from? Without the moon they are only on battery power.