Friday, March 23, 2012

I can't do everything for you, scientists

You know, I'm not an expert on cats. I'm not trying to pretend that I am or mislead anyone. I'm just your average crazy cat lady with my (more than a) half dozen felines. I base my theories on what I see and attempt to form the most logical conclusions and explanations based on these experiences. It's understandable that perhaps, sometimes, my theories might be incorrect. So far they haven't, of course.

However, I would expect that a professional - someone who gets paid to deal with cats on a regular basis - would have better knowledge about the bundles of fur they're handling. You would think that people like scientists and vets would be aware of the extra-terrestrial qualities of of the animals they care for and study, but apparently not.

Consider this article, which attempts, poorly, to answer the question "Why does my cat sleep all day?"

This is the explanation they've concocted:
Biologists pin this feline affinity for sleep on two things: Their typically protein-rich diet, which requires long periods of rest to aid in proper digestion, and their naturally crepuscular (dawn and dusk) predatory pattern, which blather blather blather . . .

If you don't understand/care about the explanation, let me sum it up: Scientists are guessing that cats sleep a lot because they eat lots of cheeseburgers and like to party at various times during the day. I think they've confused cats with college students.

F(r)at cat.

Yeah, that must be it. Who among us doesn't become exhausted after eating a chicken sandwich or running a lap around the house?

Come on, science. I know you're all about animals and biology and I know that you're big on astronomy and space and aliens. Now it's time to put those two concepts together. This is the explanation I've come up with, which seems a far more practical explanation for why cats sleep 25 hours a day. Surely, if a small-town gal like me can come up with something like this, the professionals should be able to come up with something equally solid.

Here, I'll even get you started with a research question: How does that sleeping-cat-energy get absorbed by the mothership? Is there a way we can harness that energy to power other things, maybe like automatic food dispensers?